Viewing entries tagged
becoming

Become Love

I’m reading Bob Goff’s Everybody Always where he’s urging everyone to become love. If you haven’t read it yet, buy your copy today. It will wreck you, encourage you and inspire you on every page. Something he emphasizes that keeps ringing in my head is how we are compelled to voice our opinions. Goff believes we state our opinions as a way to protect ourselves. Rather than protecting ourselves, wisdom would have us get in touch with our heart — the fear, the insecurity, the need to impress. The tendency we all have to surround ourselves with people who agree with us indicates our insecurities. Bob Goff puts it like this, “When people are flat wrong, why do I appoint myself the sheriff to straighten them out? Burning down others’ opinions doesn’t make us right. It makes us arsonists.” Read that quote again! 

In this quest to become love, Goff repeatedly talks about telling people who they are — who they are becoming — rather than what they should want. "You should take that job." "You should ask for that promotion." "You should get married." "You shouldn’t do that." These are words that roll off our tongue, oh so easily. No one relishes being told what to do. Shifting our mindset from telling people what to do to telling them who they are becoming is a game changer. "You are brave." "You are gifted." "You are creative." "You are enough."

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In Chapter 5, Goff illustrates this beautifully with a story from his own life. He’s been picked up by a limo driver.

 After we’d driven a short time, I said, “You know, this is the first time I’ve ever been to Orlando, but if someone asked me what I thought about everyone in the city, You know what I’d tell them? I’d say I think everyone in Orlando is just terrific. Do you know why?     It’s simple— because you’re a nice guy!”

He’s not telling him what to do. He’s telling him who he is — an ambassador for his city who spreads kindness.

Later he learns the driver has driven 25 years and is soon retiring. He convinces the driver to get in the back seat and let Bob drive.  

I carry medals with me all the time. They don’t say anything on them. . . I opened the door and let my limo-driver friend out from the back seat. He stood up and straightened his jacket, and I was still wearing his hat. I pinned a medal on his chest and said, ‘You’re      brave. You’re courageous. You’re foolhardy! Did you see how I took that last turn?’ I spoke words of truth and affirmation to him with a smile. I patted him on the chest, gave him a hug, and walked into the hotel.

His new friend returned to his home that night, not with a list of things he needed to do or undo but with an understanding of who he was.  

Become love.

Becoming, not Finished

Confusion leaves us wondering what is the next step.  We spend a great deal of our time thinking about what to do next.  When we find ourselves stuck and wondering what we need to do with our lives, careers, businesses, ideas, we might be asking the wrong questions. Rather than asking, “What do I do?” ask, “Who do I want to be?”   Over 2000 years ago, the Roman philosopher Epictetus asked, “Who exactly do you want to be?”  Our society is obsessed with doing, when being is really our answer.

What if we asked ourselves with every decision we make, “Is this helping me become the person I want to become?”  The answer to that question would give us our next step.  If we focused on who we want to become, the question of what to do next will likely resolve itself.

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A Harvard psychologist said, “Human beings are works in progress that mistakenly think they’re finished.” We are becoming and that is something worth focusing on. Here is a great exercise to moving us along to who we really want to become.

1) Write out the qualities you want — who you want to be.  Here’s what I would say about me.

  • a person who resolves conflict without belittling and condemning
  • a person who adds value where ever I am
  • a person who gets outside of her comfort zone on a regular basis

2) Write examples or situation in which you will exhibit these qualities.  Again, a few of my own answers.

  • When team members have opposing ideas, I will listen with the intent to understand their point of view.  
  • When I meet someone new, I will purposefully connect them to someone or something that brings value to them.
  • When I start to feel uncomfortable, I will remind myself that growth comes when I get outside my comfort zone.  (And if I’m not growing, I’m dying.)

3) Create this person everyday.

My hunch is if we begin to create the person we want to be on a consistent basis then knowing what to do next will come naturally to us.  

If you want help getting in touch with who you really want to be, I’d love to support you in that.  Contact me at michele@lifebydesign.guru.

Go Ahead and Become

I ran across this LIFE by design blog in the archives from 2015.  As we forge into 2017, it's worth remembering the Velveteen Rabbit. 

 

He said, “You become.  It takes a long time.  That’s why it doesn’t happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept.  Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby.  But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.” ~ Velveteen Rabbit
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Becoming is a process.

It takes time and resilience.  Your decision making becomes more about your convictions than how much you can accomplish.  Do you start the day wondering how you’re going to get it all done?  Part of becoming is recognizing that “getting it all done” was never the intended end result.  Perhaps a better questions is: how do I want to be remembered?  

Being real! 

Now that’s something to be proud of; a direction to go toward; a desired destination. Being real means you no longer pretend you are the answer for all the problems.  Being real means you don’t have to look like the next guy.  Being real means you know who you are and are comfortable with it and have made an impact because of it.  

What will you do in 2017 to work on “becoming?” Because “being real” is beautiful!


If you'd like some help with "becoming," LIFE by design is offering Design Your Life Workshop on January 28th. Launch yourself toward a life of greater joy, meaning and fulfillment!  Check out the details here: www.lifebydesign.guru/workshop

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You Become

He said, “You become.  It takes a long time.  That’s why it doesn’t happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept.  Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby.  But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.” ~ Velveteen Rabbit

Becoming is a process.

It takes time and resilience.  Your decision making becomes more about your convictions than how much you can accomplish.  Do you start the day wondering how you’re going to get it all done?  Part of becoming is recognizing that “getting it all done” was never the intended end result.  Perhaps a better questions is: how do I want to be remembered?  

Being real! 

Now that’s something to be proud of; a direction to go toward; a desired destination. Being real means you no longer pretend you are the answer for all the problems.  Being real means you don’t have to look like the next guy.  Being real means you know who you are and are comfortable with it and have made an impact because of it.  

As 2016 rapidly approaches, consider setting goals for the New Year that are about becoming.  What will you do in 2016 to work on “becoming?” Because “being real” is beautiful!


4 Comments